Death by Chocolate

Well, I’ve been feeling really down lately and thought I’d write a 3 page diatribe about how much life sucks but then it hit me – I should make a cake instead.

It’s been a long time since I made a cake so you’ll have to bear with me, and it didn’t turn out as perfect as I’m used to but here goes.  As you read you can click on the pics for a bigger version.

First, make sure you have all the ingredients. I use a recipe that my grandmother taught me and it’s pretty much memorized so I don’t need to look anything up. I forgot to check for eggs but fortunately I had some. I did have to do a little shopping but at this point I’m ready to go.

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Grandma’s recipe calls for a dash of this and a palmful of that so I had to update it a bit. I no longer butter and flour the pans, I use pan spray, but I do still use a whisk. It seems like cheating to use beaters and I don’t have any anyway.  But YOU can use a good chocolate cake mix, they tend to taste better anyway and only costs a few bucks.  Just mix everything up and lick the spoon.

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I pour them in the pans with one having slightly more than the other. The reason for this will become apparent later on.

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I only have a convection oven so I cook the thicker one first, as it will take the longest to cool.

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I know, I know, raw eggs, blah, blah, blah, but it’s a time honored tradition that you must lick the bowl.

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Whipping cream is tricky but it’s not too bad if you freeze everything first. Freeze the bowl, the whisk, make sure the cream is cold.

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Whip your little arm off. Add the sugar and cocoa and eventually you get chocolate whipped cream. (Or you can cheat and buy ready made chocolate whipped cream, no one will judge.)

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And make sure you have a banana handy, nothing is better on a banana except chocolate whipped cream.

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Now make the milk chocolate glaze. I use butter, some extra cream, and (you guessed it) milk chocolate. Here Grandma called for creme de cocoa but I don’t have any. She also added creme de cocoa to the whipped cream, too, but I always thought it gave it a bitter taste.  If you are serving adults this does add a nice tang to everything but it can be skipped.  After a minute in the microwave and some stirring you get molten chocolate.

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Note I saved a few pieces.

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Now I play a waiting game, so here is me waiting.

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I take the first cake out of the oven and use the fork test, perfect.

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Again, when working with whipped cream everything needs to be cooled, so I wait some more while all the pieces cool.

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Now, remember how I had one thick piece and one thin piece? Well, take the thick one and cut in half. You end up with three roughly equal pieces.

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Spread the whipped cream between the three layers.

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Try to keep it even.Now the glaze should be thick enough to pour. The trick is to pour it very slowly and make sure it’s cooled enough to not be runny. You want it to just barely drip down the sides.

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Now, what’s a chocolate cake without chocolate sprinkles?

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Remember the piece of chocolate I saved? Normally I use Snowcaps to make a design on top but the store didn’t have any so I’ll shave the chocolate and put little curls on top of the sprinkles. Not the way I would have chosen but I do like some texture on top.

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So, here it is, just a ton of different kinds of chocolate.

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But wait! There’s more! You serve all this chocolate with a dollop of chocolate ice cream and some chocolate milk to wash it down.

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In reality it didn’t kill me but it did lift my spirits just a tad. And now my kids love me for a short time, until they get all sick from so much chocolate.

Now if you’ll excuse me I need to go eat a big thick steak to get my body back in whack just a little bit.

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